Empathy as a form of learning

“We have work to do to make empathy an acceptable form of learning and knowing for people who are not poets and therapists. We have to make it possible for manufacturers and politicians to admit empathy as a legitimate, conscious discipline, thoughtful empathy as a form of knowing, leading to effective action.”

Mary Catherine Bateson, Peripheral Visions

So what would it be like, this empathy as a form of learning and knowing? First it seems helpful to think about what we really mean when we used the word empathy. A look at www.dictionary.com reveals a multitude of definitions, each subtly different, but with the same two core senses:

1. Identification with and understanding of another’s situation, feelings, and motives.
2. The attribution of one’s own feelings to an object.

I am going to ignore the second sense for the moment and just explore the first. One thing that strikes me is that our sense of empathy often refers to situations in which the other person is troubled or experiencing some difficulty or crisis. There is a huge risk, it seems to me, with this narrower sense of empathising, that it with tip over into sympathy, or even worse, pity – rather than understanding.  If I take this in the broader sense that I think Mary Catherine meant it, that  I identify or understand in some way or other, and to a greater or lesser degree, the situation, feelings and motives of another person, two big questions arise for me:

1. How do I know that I am empathising – and not just projecting my own view onto the other person?
2. How does this help me to learn?

It seesm to me that a clue to both these questions might be that empathising isn’t exclusively an individualised or a cognitive process. It much more likely begins before “thinking” with a bodily response and be confirmed when, as I act in a particular way towards the person, they respond in a way that confirms my anticipation – the one that I think they will have if I have empathised.

So how does this, at least potentially, help me to learn? Well, if I experience enough of this “seeing the world” through the eyes of another, and my “seeing” is confirmed by their response it certainly opens up my sense of things to different perspectives.

I think Mary Catherine’s call is really quite important. What if we didn’t only do this when people were in trouble or when we felt an emotional response to how they were feeling and to their situation. What if there were a discipline that really sought to know more about and learn from the others and otherness that we experience each day, but which we so frequently ignore.

Something to do: If you find this idea intriguing, as I do, during this week, when you notice those moments that seem a little odd – experiment with responding to them in such a way that show you have some understanding, however small and see what response you get. My guess is it won’t work all the time but that you will be suprised at what you learn. Firstly about how much “oddness” there is around you when you set out to notice and secondly how much people crave to be understood at least partially (I figure that’s the best we can do!) in their own terms.

I would love to hear your comments and experiences if you have a go at this. Let’s start a bit of a conversation!